It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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