You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
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I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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