i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
