Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
