Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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