i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
