The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
