I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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