it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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