I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
