R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You are the jesus of drinking
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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