nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
