I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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