Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
