I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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