I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize