Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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