So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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