I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
