Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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