The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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