It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
