Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
