I must be too annoying 4 u.
You can't motorboat a personality
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
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I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize