Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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