What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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