these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize