I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
this will be a night to untag.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
