she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
