Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
