he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
