Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
