Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
