Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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