seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
