I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Enjoy the penises
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
