just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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