someone owes me an orgasm
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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