his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
