I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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