if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
