it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
