I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
