Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
