I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize