The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
