noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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