I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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