I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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