I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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