Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ladies don't puke and tell
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
