no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have so many feelings about this burrito
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
