video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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