Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
