The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
