I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
