My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
