Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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