He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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