I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
