my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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