dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
