2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
