I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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