he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
