Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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