he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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