Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
