today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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