I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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