Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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